Most couples dream of buying a home together. Plans for his and her sinks, granite counter tops, & quiet neighborhoods are just the begin of possibilities. One factor couples may not account for in the home buying process are….arguments. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are a few tips on how to keep the peace while house hunting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before you and your partner start sending each other links to the home of your dreams, have a few conversations about the home buying process.
A couple buying a house should talk about money, of course, but also about their expectations for their first home. Talking now will keep you productive, positive, and focused on finding the right house. It will also help you prevent house-buying stress from affecting your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

OK, we\u2019re about to get a little \u201cModern Love\u201d here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Get On the Same Page About Expectations<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

No matter how connected you two are, there are still unspoken and undefined expectations between you. Especially when it comes to a couple buying a house. Buying a home can reveal relationship problems, because it\u2019s the biggest financial transaction you\u2019ll make, and there are a lot of emotions and expectations tied up in the idea of home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Listen to your partner and commit to the idea that each person has a voice in every issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat would be my No. 1 principle,\u201d says Donna R. Baptiste, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and professor at Northwestern University\u2019s Family Institute. \u201cTwo people must respect each other\u2019s right to have a say.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to start? Ask questions like:<\/strong>
\u2022 Why do you want to buy a house?
\u2022 What\u2019s the most important thing to consider, in your opinion?
\u2022 How long do you want to live there?
\u2022 Do you want something perfect or a fixer-upper?
\u2022 What do you think our budget should be?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Be Prepared to Back Down<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Not every decision will be 50-50. \u201cEqual say is not always the standard,\u201d Baptiste says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But both of you should be willing to accept no for an answer. This prevents gridlock. And ceding some control makes the decision on which home to buy a shared one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider the situation faced by work-from-home clothing designer Veronica Sheaffer and her husband, teacher Keith Dumbleton. They bought their prewar apartment on Chicago\u2019s far North Side four years ago.
While scrolling through listings, Sheaffer fell for the property\u2019s vintage millwork and spacious layout, but the building was 12 miles from the centrally located neighborhood they\u2019d been living in. Sheaffer accepted the hours the new location would add to Dumbleton\u2019s school commute could be a deal breaker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI gave him the power of refusal and prepared myself for losing the place,\u201d she says. Knowing that Sheaffer was conscious of the sacrifices he\u2019d be making, Dumbleton agreed to move forward with making an offer. \u201cHer being open to me saying no allowed me to make that decision, and I don\u2019t regret it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Do Scenario Planning<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

New homes have a way of changing life\u2019s routines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Does one of you take the dog out? If so, that beautiful sixth-floor walk-up may affect the dog caretaker\u2019s mornings (and moods). Does one of you do most of the outdoor chores? How do you really feel about taking care of a massive lawn? That house that sits on top of a hill is gorgeous, and the views! But will you like hauling bags of groceries up the three flights of
stairs to the front door?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI ask a couple to have it sink in,\u201d says Dan Sullivan, a REALTOR\u00ae at Compass in Chicago. \u201cWhat is it going to physically be like living in that property, day in and day out?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The more you think it over together, the happier you\u2019ll both be after you move in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Ask An Expert<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

As a couple buying a house, you may be in full agreement or you may be at an impasse, but either way talk to a real estate agent and, as Baptiste recommends, \u201csubmit to the idea of getting good advice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A good agent is like a reference librarian and a personal coach in one. They can help you navigate the home buying process minutiae, like finding a good mortgage broker or dissecting the details of a home inspection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

An agent can give you the knowledge you need to make a wise decision. And they can pump you and your partner back up when your energy has subsided because you\u2019ve looked at 22 houses and not seen one worthy of an offer. Or you put in an offer and it fell through. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leaning on a professional to offer perspective and help work through disappointment releases some buying-a-house stress on a relationship. \u201cAs much as possible, as early as possible, I try to get [couples] to see the big picture,\u201d Sullivan says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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5. Recognize You\u2019re a Team<\/h5>\n\n\n\n

Involving an agent in the home buying process can have another unexpected outcome, says Sheaffer. It brought her and Dumbleton closer together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having the agent participate in discussions \u2014 and even occasionally disagreeing with her \u2014 \u201chelped us [see] that we know each other, we know our lifestyle. Anything that will allow you to bond more with your partner is always positive.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The agent got them to talk to each other about what they wanted and didn\u2019t want in a house. It helped them hash out their likes and dislikes, constructively. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of letting buying a house lead to relationship problems, turn the experience into a chance to learn and grow together. Talk. Listen. And get good advice from a smart agent. You\u2019ll end up as homeowners \u2014 with an even better connection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s not to love?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Originally article written by: HouseLogic<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you found this article helpful, feel free to leave your comment below. Tell us what you liked or disliked, and what you would like to see more of. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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